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Embrace “the suck”… It’s a very Buddhist concept.
When we deny what reality is giving us, what is really happening, then we create suffering. So, life is a dance between minimising expectations and surrendering to what our lives actually show to us. By embracing our lives totally, even the stuff that “sucks”, we get through them.
The Forces have no other choice. If we’re out in the Iraqi desert, or in the mountains of Afghanistan, the only way that we’re going to get through those challenging experiences is by embracing (and not denying or ignoring) them.
But for those with modern conveniences, and a propensity for denial, one can distract themselves… Numb themselves, fool themselves; over and over… To avoid, disconnect, ignore, postpone, procrastinate, and put their heads in the sand when they don’t want to look at what is.
The denial of something merely prolongs its presence. The more that one denies and/or tries to rationalise away their feelings of discontent, the stronger that these feelings will actually become.
Even though “the suck” sucks, the prolonging of it makes it even suckier; and, for longer. If one doesn’t square-up and face their discontent, they’ll just prolong the agony.
Why does one do it? Habit.
In the long-term, one would be much happier, expressive, and creative if they rebooted their neural wiring and developed a different habit. But in the short-term, they’re willing to sacrifice their long-term goals and possibilities because the moment would need them to let go of habits that keep them stuck. The alternative is the unknown; which is scarier than “the suck”. So they just hang on to the old neural wiring.
The poet David Whyte says, “Anything or anyone that does not bring you fully alive is too small for you”.
If one can identify how they play too small and find the corresponding habit that keeps them stuck there, they can change their neural wiring to create something much more beneficial for them. A more productive habit, or the willingness to take a risk for something that they really want to do, and not staying stuck in a coma.
A lot of the things that make one feel as if they’re not fully alive are self-imposed paradigms and dialogues that they have with themselves. They may say things that are unkind to themselves, and that they don’t agree with, but they say them anyhow. Simply, because they’re habituated.
One may be playing too small by the actions that they — don’t — take. One may spend too much time on the phone… Drink too much… Browse the Web unproductively. One may have a friend who’s hurt them and they’ve not shared how they feel… One may stay in a job that crushes their spirit.
All of this prolongs “the suck”. Eliminating such things requires awareness of what “sucks”. Then, no longer avoid it. One embraces the sucky quality to get to the other side… Transformation.
One can do it. If it’s not making them fully alive, they’ve outgrown the need and/or payoff of the thing anyway — whether that’s an idea or thought, or in fact, their current career trajectory.
Be brave… Have faith… Move on to the next level of growth without looking back and feel fully, inspiringly, dynamically alive. It’s how one was meant to feel.
One has just forgotten because they’ve gotten used to “the suck”.